The “What Kind of Recession Survivor Am I?” Quiz

I found this on the Best Recession Ever! It made me chuckle.

BEST RECESSION EVER! HQ — BRE contributors and spiritual sisters Bunny and Hunny Rockenstein made up a funny quiz. You should totally take it and then tell all your friends to take it, too. Do what we say and no one gets hurt, okay?

1. You’re really, really (REALLY) hungry — would you eat:

a. Steak tartare
b. Cooked Central Park squirrels (or raw, if you are into that whole slow food movement)
c. A baby
d. Hey, I had all that stuff for lunch! Weird!

2. You’re really, really broke — do you:

a. Sell off a small island — just one of the little ones
b. Sell an organ
c. Sell a baby
d. Use socks as currency, per usual

3. Uh oh, you didn’t pay rent and you’ve been evicted, do you:

a. How dare you! Do you know who I am?
b. Forgive that whole herpes / infidelity / gambling addiction thing and try to get back together with your still-happily-renting ex
c. Don a rubber suit and goggles, climb into that manhole and join the mole people
d. Just give up

4. How important is hygiene to you?

a. My on-retainer dermatologist removed those cumbersome sweat glands, so a sponge bath and spa treatment a day should be acceptable
b. I wash myself with a rag on a stick
c. What? I can’t hear you through the wax built up in my ear canals
d. Please refer to my manifesto, tentatively titled: “The Rats Bite!: The World as my Toilet Paper”

5. You’ve had to resort to begging in the subway — what’s your act?

a. Dangling gold doubloons in front of other subway beggars, then snatching them away
b. Nudity, mostly
c. Nudity plus various lunch meats … I haven’t quite worked out the details
d. Fromage means Alabama in semaphore. Now let’s dance!!!

6. Brrrrr, it’s STILL friggin’ winter and you can’t pay the heating bill — how do you stay warm?

a. Burn money — just the dirty stuff you use to snort coke off hookers
b. Imagine Manhattan is the Ocean and your old Armanis are wetsuits and pee, pee like you’ve never peed before
c. Cover yourself in Deep Heat and get up against the radiator
d. Don’t call me Bill

7. Jeez, this recession’s depressing — what do you do for fun?

a. Snort coke off hookers
b. Huff copier toner cartridges you stole the day you got laid off
c. Peanut butter + dog — it’s not just an urban legend
d. I’m in your crawlspace right now! Wheeee!

8. As the saying goes, there’s no such thing as a free hump — how will you ever get laid without the aid of expensive cocktails?

a. Coke, hookers, yadda yadda
b. Paris Hilton
c. Vulcan death grip
d. Much like the mangrove killifish, I am able to satisfactorily mate with myself

9. Finally, if you were a Facebook quiz, which Facebook quiz would you be? (Note: all are ACTUAL Facebook quizzes)

a. The ‘What Sex and the City Character Are You?’ quiz
b. The ‘Which Tasmanian Horse Trainer Am I?’ quiz
c. The ‘Are you Retarded?’ quiz
d. The ‘Are You a Stapler, Toothpick, or Spoon?’ quiz

KEY:

If most of your answers were A:
You are some bizarre combination of Leona Helmsley and Gordon Gekko. Either way, you should be dead or in jail. But man, you sure had some good times.

If most of your answers were B:
Congratulations! You have what it takes to survive this recession! Now get busy stockpiling squirrels.

If most of your answers were C:
You are willing to go to great lengths to survive. Too great. Even in the best of times you are seriously creepy, dude.

If most of your answers were D:
You are one crazy motherfucker who should probably be checked for rabies, at a minimum.